Table of Olives

We are in the midst of wedding planning for our oldest daughter. We both gather ideas, run them by each other and make sure we are on the same page. I have lots of thoughts about their day and many desires that go long past the ceremony. There are also plenty of questions that I just cannot find the answers too yet. How do we make each guest feel welcomed, seen and appreciated? What do we serve at this celebration? Will people be reminded of the goodness of our God or think of who is not present? How do we communicate His love throughout the entire evening? What was the wedding like that Jesus turned the water into wine like? Will we see miracles too?

I could go on, but you catch a glimpse into my heart. Maybe if I could sum up my prayer, it is that we will all be reminded that our God is faithful and true. So with more excitement and anticipation, I look forward to celebrating.

A man that is others focused, hard working, patient, humble, does not give up and continually reflects the love of Christ, is hard to find, but this is who my husband is. I have only known him for twenty six years, but I have never known him to be anything else. He is faithful, kind, wise and considers his words before he speaks. You automatically feel safe when he is around and can trust what he says. He is a loyal friend, knows his worth and does not need mans approval, he already has it from the One who died for him. His confidence is not easily shaken and he knows where his help comes from. He invests in our family, others and me with time and love. His lack of selfishness has always stood out to me too. And we cannot forget his great sense of humor.

It is a good day when you get to celebrate such a rare man. Happy Birthday, Damon. I love you!

When one or more of the kids brings to my attention a less than life-giving behavior they see in me, I have found it best to listen. I ask myself if it is true and what could be the cause. They were right, I found out the cause, made correction and apologized. It was in looking back that revealed the beginning of one small choice after another.

What if they or someone else did not say something? What if I had been isolated, unknowable and kept going? This reminded me of how important it is to have other people in our lives that know us. Ones that love us enough to say what they see or how we are making them feel. We should be able to do the same. Relationships are not always easy, but they sure make life rich.

It always amazes me when I learn something new about our kids. They are fascinating to listen too and surprise me with their thoughts. As a parent, you think you know a general path they are on, but then they share an idea. Moments of the past flash by and you can see how they might have come up with this new possibility. They take one step towards the unknown, with enough curiosity to explore the idea. It might lead to another step forward or it might mean stepping back. What I love about each of them is that they are brave enough to try. Makes me want to be more like them when I grow up.

We went to a beautiful wedding last night and caught up with friends. One friend happens to be my favorite photographer of all time, even though she no longer does this as a career. She mentioned how she could not help but see through eyes of a photographer. She considered angles and lighting while celebrating as a guest. Once you start seeing the world through a certain lens, it takes a great amount of work to retrain your mind. I hope she never stops.

This also gave me great hope for all of us. With enough intentional work and focus, we can learn a new way to see others and ourselves. Our great enemy, satan, has worked from the beginning of time to distort our vision. When we become aware of the lens we are using, we need to ask ourselves if it is true or false. Sometimes we need others to help us correct what has become normal for us. It is changing me greatly.

The days had been good and full, but there was this undercurrent of change that was tugging on me. Lack of sleep and too much sugar did not help either. Exhausted and unsettled was my state of heart. One simple question and it all came spilling out. Like colorful tops spinning away, I saw what had been normal changing. All is worthy to celebrate of course, but there had not been an opportunity for me to take some time to process. What do we do at this crossroads of change? We cannot go back, to stay exactly the same is impossible, so we choose to move forward. I wonder about many things, one being will I be faithful to participate in what He has called me to as a mother? In the midst of change, will I be overwhelmed or engaged? Will I get back up when I fail again and again?

I take a look back and see God’s faithfulness as our family has navigated many changes as all families do. With one child going into middle school, one more starting high school, another off to college and the oldest getting married, we will see His faithfulness many times over. He always has been faithful and He always will be. And so we move towards all that is changing with joy, dependence and gratitude.

It is a rare occasion to find me in a fitting room. I like the safety of our home when trying on something new. Today I ventured into the small space to try on some dresses to wear to our daughter’s graduation. You know what made all the difference? Shame was not welcome to whisper lies as I viewed my reflection. I judged the dress, not the person it hung on. Some had too much fabric, one was a weird length and another was not the color for me. This reminded me that there are millions of dresses in this world, but only one of you and me. And that image I saw staring back at me, she is made in the image of God.

We read a familiar Bible story this morning and I noticed something new. In the account of the exchange between Zechariah and Gabriel, unbelief led to the loss of the ability to speak. When Zechariah wrote the truth, then he was given back his voice. It wasn’t the question that silenced him, it was unbelief. Mary too received impossible news, asked questions, but she responded with belief. However, that was not the end of either of their stories. Both Zechariah and Mary end up praising the God of grace and good news with a song.

I do not know about you, but unbelief is natural when faced with impossible. Maybe it is during times when we are kept quiet that God works to strengthen our faith. Then when we are given back our voice, so to speak, it sounds more like praise.

It is an absolute joy to study scripture with others. We read, gain insight and come together to learn more. Recently, we took a slow walk through the crucifixion, burial and resurrection of Jesus. It was painful and I just wanted it to quickly pass, for to engage in another’s suffering is difficult. As the Lord would have it, I read the familiar words, “…and with His wounds we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5). For the first time ever it hit me, nobody is healed by my wounds. Our wounds are caused by our own sin and the sin of others against us, but they are both healed and forgiven by Him. Sometimes it is tempting for me to make much of my wounds, but they have no power to heal. What have they have done is increase my love. Forgiven much leads to loving much. And when I forget, I remind myself that the same mercy received for all our sins, is offered to those who have sinned against us. Goodness! We serve a radical God!

Our Anna Kate turns 18 years old today. She is quiet, observant and never misses a detail. The mind God created her with is remarkable, for it holds more knowledge than I thought possible. What impresses me even more is the way she is able to take what she learns and explain it to others. What a gift! Her work ethic, in all things, speaks of her character and I wonder sometimes how she does it all. Will she continue to feel the pressure to excel? What are the plans the Lord has for her and is this all part of the training? I have to believe so, for something else drives her. It is exciting to see who she is becoming and challenging too. Quiet ones are a bit harder to read, but that is exactly how she was made and I would not try to force a change. For each of us is made in the image of God and designed specially as He saw fit. Glory to God for our differences!

So happy birthday, Anna Kate! You are loved more than you know…