I recently caught myself feeling a bit of resistance towards our oldest daughter when she wanted to make plans. Her ideas were great and exciting, but I kept hesitating. She is a senior in high school and graduation and prom look different this year, but that does not mean we do not celebrate. And then it hit me. If we plan and celebrate it makes this chapter real and close to ending. The book does not end and I have to keep that in mind.
To turn the page is going to be hard in every way. The physical separation will take getting use to and walking by her empty room is just too big of a thought right now. Emotionally not having her fun leadership will take us all time to get use too. Spiritually it will stretch me to trust Him even more. She belongs to Him and I am so blessed to get to play a role in teaching her this most important truth. None of this is easy for my heart. My mind knows this is right, but there is such a conflict between the two.
Lord willing, come August we will all help the first bird to fly the nest. I am so excited to see her soar and know she is more than ready. Her foundation is secure and her identity is solid. I am confident that she has learned to love well and this was my prayer this year. But the fact remains that I will just miss her being around the table and down the hall. She is one of a kind, a unique part of our family. We function well as a party of nine.
The days ahead will be celebrated and waterproof mascara will be applied daily. I will not waste the time, but jump in and make memories. There is so much ahead for this dear child and I can hardly wait to see what God has up His sleeve for her. I will trust His plans and let go. As much as I want to tie myself to her foot like a note on a pigeon, I will let her fly. She has more to live in her story and I know it is going to be good. My story will just have some pages stained with tears, but that is part of being a mom. Love does come with a cost and I will gladly pay.