Free of Want

“Make your way to the everlasting ruins, to all that the enemy has destroyed in the sanctuary.” Psalm 74:3

I believe it is time to share this piece of the story and tell how I am now free from want. It may seem to be a bit of an odd phrase, and I thought the same thing too when I first read it on my grandfather’s medal. Then it became like a key that unlocked a piece of my heart that I did not realize was closed. The unlocking started about 6 years ago and took a bit of time, but was worth the process. Sometimes old locks take some time to open.

IMG_7401I remember the scene like it was yesterday. I know exactly where I was standing and how I wished I could hide. It happened so fast, but the impact was huge. From the time I was 6 weeks old until 9 years old, both my parents worked and I was entrusted into someone else’s care during the day. One of my earliest memories was of being told I was not wanted by this caregiver. This was followed up by telling me I was stupid, looked stupid and asking if I was stupid. It was a lot for a small, quiet child to hear and constantly take into my heart. I remember my favorite book while under this care was to look at and then read was The Sword in the Stone. There was something about the main character that I wanted to copy, but never could figure out how. However, my younger sister has always been the brave, outspoken one and she spoke loudly on that particular day. She happened to have heard the words that I was accustomed to and when my mom came to pick us up, she questioned the caregiver. She wanted to know why this was being said. No answer was ever given.

While we later moved and I grew up, those seeds of rejection were planted. They grew and shaped me in ways that I had no idea. This person has been forgiven and I never would cast a stone. However, I do wonder what had happened to their heart to pierce a child so? Only the Lord knows and I trust Him. He has been a great healer. There have been consequences to those seeds of rejection and goodness did I try and buy my worth. Even in that I see how God has opened my eyes to others who bear the marks of rejection. And I think that is why I have worked so hard as a mom not to ever place that seed in my kids hearts. They will never wonder if they are wanted because my words and actions say otherwise. Our kids will and have faced hard things, but wondering if they are wanted by their parents will never be a question.

The result of rejection takes many forms in my opinion. Mine may look different that yours. However, if anyone knows rejection it is our Savior. Take a look at the cross if you have any doubts. This is where I have taken it all and let Him sort it out. I have allowed Him to dig up the seeds and plant His love. I saw no good in blaming others or wishing it had been different, but I did make sure that this was not passed on to the next generation. A friend and I were talking recently and she said that my kids would probably never know the work that has been done on their behalf. I agree with her and think it has been worth it.

To give you a picture of this work, I’ll describe for you an image one of my son’s pointed out the other day. We were watching the new Sonic movie and the one that raised him was an owl. Danger was coming and she was protecting him. She threw a golden ring to open an escape portal and spread her wings over the opening to ensure his safe exit. Arrows were piercing her, but Sonic was safe. My son even said he saw me as the owl, but the arrows did not kill me. Now, I am no owl and my children are not hedgehogs, but I think you understand what I am saying. As parents we do hard things, painful things, but it is worthy work. Generations from here on out are greatly impacted. To remain in a place of rejection would only give the enemy another garden to sow seeds into using my wounded way of speaking and living.

If the Lord can use the shed blood of His only Son on a cruel cross to pay the price for our sin, then He can also take seeds of rejection and turn them for good. The enemy meant this for evil and thought he could keep me always in fear and want, but God had other plans. I love how Joseph said, “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive.” (Genesis 50:20). The good I see is how my children are growing up, knowing and living loved. The good I see is how I have eyes to see the rejected ones in my everyday and offer hope. The good I see is a hunger for planting seeds of God’s Word daily and watching them grow. The good I see is typing out words of encouragement here for anyone to read. The good I see is exposing a lie and living in truth. And friend, the courage, acceptance, freedom and love that comes from having your identity fully rooted in the Rock is tremendous. He truly does work all things for your good and His glory. I can give you 7 examples that say this is true, for their names all end the same as mine.

Use if all for your glory Lord, Amen.


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